VintageGent’s Menswear Daily

Mr. Blackwell’s First and Last

Recently, fashion lost another prominent figure. Mr. Richard Blackwell’s (born Richard Selzer) list of the ten worst dressed women morphed from a curmudgeonly missive to an annual event. He went to school with Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney and starred in stage productions until he introduced his own clothing line. In American households, the “list” eclipsed all of that.

Mr. Blackwell’s very first “list” came in 1960. Interesting trivia: the first list both included Morticia Addams (Carolyn Jones) AND Lily Munster (Yvonne DeCarlo)

1. Anna Magnani (“The female counterpart of Emmett Kelly. One of the most distinguished actresses of our generation, who suggests Eleanora Duse playing in a Shakespearean tragedy wearing tramp clothes.”)
2. Brigitte Bardot (“An unruly child who has acquired the bad habit of taking off her nightie before the bathroom door has been closed.”)
3. Yvonne De Carlo (“A gypsy who stole a wine-red portiere from a window and draped it over her body in combination with a Kelly green couch cover.”)
4. Lucille Ball (“One of our most gifted comediennes, she seems to bend over backwards to look ridiculous, and her greatest asset in this department in her clothes. Her preferences in fashion can best be described as a sense of turmoil, because nothing blends or complements.”)
5. Anita Ekberg (“If a woman who wears a shoe two sizes too small is apt to suffer from bunions, I wonder what is the fate of one with a 39-inch bust who wears a size 16 dress? Miss Ekberg, in either street or formal wear, provokes the idea that she dresses with a shoehorn.”)****
6. Shelley Winters (“The only description for Miss Winters dressed for a party is a rag doll brought to the circus and covered with pink cotton candy.”)
7. Carolyn Jones (“There is so little material between Miss Jones’ bust line and the hem of her garment one wonders which will get where first.”)
8. Kim Novak (“Lavender, like old lace, belongs in a bureau drawer, not on a torso with too great a frequency to offset it. She has adopted lavender as her trademark and is guilty of fabric redundancy.”)
9. Anne Baxter (“She wears a sweater as if she were headed for the showers instead of the moonlight sail with a handsome escort. In formal attire her hair looks as if someone ran a brush through it and then said, ‘Oh, the hell with it.’”)

And Mr. Blackwells’ very last list

1. Victoria Beckham (“Forget the fashion spice – wearing a skirt would suffice! In one skinny-mini monstrosity after another, pouty posh can really wreck-em.”)
2. Amy Winehouse (“Exploding beehives above…tacky polka-dots below…she’s part 50’s car-hop horror.”)
3. Mary Kate Olsen (“YIKES! In layers of cut-rate kitsch, Mary Kate’s look is hard to explain…she resembles a tattered toothpick-trapped in a hurricane!”)
4. Fergie (“Another style-free “Fergie” in fashion’s hall of shame? Yes, when it comes to couture chaos, guess it’s all in a name!”)
5. Kelly Clarkson (“Her heavenly voice soars above the rest…but those belly-baring bombs are hellish at best! She may be the queen of “Pro-Active” – but that wardrobe looks downright radioactive!”)
6. Eva Green (“Stuck in neon nightmares not fit for the sane. Fashion this loud could give Bond a migraine! A profusion of confusion from toes to nose!”)
7. Avril Lavigne (“Gothic make-up courtesy the mad spatula-Fashions provided by…The house of Dracula!”)
8. Jessica Simpson (“Forget the Cowboys. In prom queen screams, can it get any worse? She’s a global fashion curse!”)
9. Lindsay Lohan (“Lindsay the fashion frenzy strikes again! Lohan takes fashion to a new low.”)
10. Alison Arngrim (“Little Nellie of the prairie, looks like a 1940’s fashion editor for the Farmers’ Almanac.”)

Mr. Blackwell did not include his perennial least favorite, Brittney Spears, on the list because of her tumultuous personal life.  He felt sorry for her, but sure she would be on the list for the end of 2008.

****= 1959/60 was before the sizing standards change.  A size 16 was not large at all, closer to an 8