VintageGent’s Menswear Daily

Queen or Crypt Keeper for the Day?

When the VintageGent-ette was always mistaken for much younger than she actually was. Maybe it was the short stature, the fashion choices from the ankle down, or penchant for mid 60s lime green. At any rate, she rested on her laurels for quite sometime until reality caught up with her. At least someone else’s reality.

When she was 32, she won a facial. It made her feel like she was on that show “Queen for a Day.”   The winning of the facial made her feel that way, but not the actual experience.  The aesthetician, who was twelve years her junior decided to bring up the subject that women of “her age” should strongly consider anti-wrinkle treatment before it is “too late.”

Of course V-Gette was ranting and raving later on about who the aesthetician thought she was and old she mistook V-Gette for. After the whole incident, she felt a bit like Jamie Leigh Curtis in that mom-kid role reversal movie where she screams, “I’m the CRYPT KEEPER!”

All of the suds and bubbles that women subjected to themselves over the years to unwrinkle, wrinke, press, and rejuvenate have largely been a mystery to men outside of the proper industries.  However, things have changed.   First there was metrosexualizm.  Then Axe came out with something that is NOT supposed to be a loofa but it is really a black shower pouf, but it is more manly because you call it some weird name like an energy ball or something else foolish.

Now, even wrinkle creams are being targetted as unisex. In fact, the Dermajuv Complete Rejuvenation System is in rather unisex cobolt blue bottles. You could go in the bathroom and not know if the stuff is for the lady or the gent.

In fact, right now, Dermajuv is issuing a bailout.  If you use the promo code “bailout,” you will receive $5.00 off. So, if you are looking for the perfect gift for someone, you can be economical at the same time.  You may, of course, end up holding your teeth in your hand if you decide to buy it for your main squeeze.  It just may not send the message you had hoped for.   Even if they hint at it jokingly, just don’t do it.   Let them order it themselves.

I almost forgot.  In some women’s magazines, they say if you want something, leave a catalog somewhere that a guy can find it like on the toilet, on the steering wheel of a car, or on the front door.   Then use tape, bookmarks, and post it notes to indicate your interest in something.  Naw, that is a little too obvious.

Since many of my readers believe in tried and true products just because they “don’t make em like they used to,” or because if it was tested on animals, it was done so fifty years ago, I did my own investigation.   The company’s website did not indicate whether the products were animal friendly.   I dialed up the company myself and asked that very question.  The nice man that I spoke with assured me that the company does NOT test their products on animals.    He was going to bring it to right department’s attention to consider labelling the product on the site as animal safe.

So, if you love animals and are the type of guy who wants to get out your old leisure suit and wants to look less like a creepy old man, you may just want to give it the old college try.  What do you have to lose?  You are already out there looking a little bit iffy now that the fifteen to twenty-one year old demographic is sporting them, but you may have a chance to blend in a bit more without any surgical alteration, or instantaneous creepy 70s moustache.

Label Me

I have been thinking about promoting this site in my “real life.”  Up until now, I have relied on traffic from friends, organic searches about specific clothing items or stories, and just sheer luck.   I have hesitated to print up business cards with my site and contact information on it, as I would prefer people to contact me through the site rather than just ring me for a long distance tete-a-tete.

Making just a business card with a website on it would not be poor etiquette.  However, cards with no other information on it but a url can sometimes be construed as impersonal junkmail. More so, I tend to forget the name of the person who gave it to me as often it would just be tossed in a bag rather than handed to me personally.

The last time I toddled over to Vista Print, it was the equivolant to being beaned with an apple on the noggin. What if I just made up a label style, and affixed it to the back of my regular business cards when I met someone I thought would enjoy vintage-ing it up? This way, I am not committing the faux pas of pressing palms with someone, only for them to quickly forget me or what I was talking about.

Of course, the tactile experience of a business card with a label on the back may give it a more slickery feeling.  Thus, the finger would naturally stop over it while fishing around in a wallet and pull it out.  ”A Ha!  I need to read more at VintageGent’s Menswear Daily,” they who rustle through wallets may say.   Or maybe not.

A Truck for My Inner Child

When I was about five years old, my cousins and I were fascinated with trucks.  They were not just any trucks, mind you.  We could care less about the mail truck or the truck Grandpa drove around.  What we were interested in was the trucks that were the real life versions of our toys.   We all wanted a pick old dump truck, or some other type of very large utility truck that would be completely unrealistic for our families to actually own.

A few months ago, I drove past something on the side of the road that made me stop.  It was raining out, so it may have been foolish of me.  When I say “rain,” I meant that that it was raining sideways and with the intensity of a five year old throwing a baseball point blank at your stomach or knee.  What did I stop for?  Someone had a big old troop transport for sale.  It must have been army surplus.  Immediately, my mind started to justify the purchase.  Maybe I could use it in a parade.  The local Rotary Club could build a float right on top of the back.  Wouldn’t that be interesting?

Of course, reality set in.  It wasn’t a practical purchase at all.  However, I did later stumble across a website where you could buy a used cable trailer or even a bucket truck. I think I could really use a bucket truck.  Cats get stuck in trees all the time around here. I could offer a very exclusive service where I would show up to get them.  It would sure save the fire department a lot of time because they could deal with fires instead of a cat.  Most cats can get down anyways.  They just don’t want to get down and this vexes the owners very much.  That is another subject for another day.

If you are out to fulfill the fantasy of your inner child, or in real life you actually need a work truck, you should check out Alasher.com and see what they have.

Inscription Found in Lincoln’s Watch

This week, the history world was abuzz with the news of family lore confirmed. An inscription that was rumored to have been in Abraham Lincoln’s pocket watch was proven true.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – A gold watch owned by Abraham Lincoln bears a message marking the start of the U.S. Civil War, but the president never knew of the “secret” inscription uncovered on Tuesday at the National Museum of American History.

The engraving, by watchmaker Jonathan Dillon, is dated April 13, 1861, and reads in part: “Fort Sumpter was attacked by the rebels” and “thank God we have a government.”

The museum said it agreed to open the watch to find out if the message really was there after it was contacted by the watchmaker’s great-great-grandson, Doug Stiles of Waukegan, Illinois.

The American Civil War began when Confederate troops opened fire on Fort Sumter in Charleston, South Carolina, on April 12, 1861.

Forty-five years later, Dillon the watchmaker told The New York Times that he was repairing Lincoln’s watch when he heard that the first shots of the Civil War had been fired.

Dillon said he unscrewed the dial of the watch and used a sharp instrument to mark the historic day on the president’s watch. He told the newspaper that, as far as he knew, no one had ever seen the inscription.

“Lincoln never knew of the message he carried in his pocket,” Brent Glass, director of the National Museum of American History said in a statement. “It’s a personal side of history about an ordinary watchman being inspired to record something for posterity.”

Lincoln was elected the 16th president of the United States in November 1860. In the lead up to the Civil War, South Carolina and six other states seceded from the Union before Lincoln’s inauguration in March 1861.

(Reporting by JoAnne Allen; Editing by Patricia Zengerle)

Does this make you want to go verify all of Grandpa or Grandma’s old stories to see if they were true? You never know what little piece of history you might unearth.

Dolphins: From Navy Recruits to Artists

Humans have had a long fascination with dolphins. Their intelligence has been both studied and put to work. We all know about various marine shows at theme parks, but did you know that the US Navy employed dolphins during WWII for particular missions.   I believe they also have some dolphins among their ranks to this very day.   Below, is a “dolphin badge” that was connected with service on a submarine.  Of course, this was for the people.  Dolphins were never presented with such insignia as they had no use for it.

Recently, an interesting observation was made about the dolphins at Sea World’s dolphin cove. Have you seen the video about Dolphin Bubbles?  It is certainly not your typical exercise of dolphins pressing buttons underwater. This is a behavior that they originated themselves.   The phenomena was featured on ABC’s World News with Charles Gibson recently.

It is interesting to note that it appears that the females are more interested in playing with bubbles than the males are.  Maybe the females are more detail oriented, or maybe it is just a coincidence and has more to do with the individuality of the dolphins, and the majority being female is just an accident.

The dolphins now have their very own website at http://dolphinbubbles.com.   Sea World Orlando has made the videos available to be watched all around the world.  Of course, this will probably inspire many people to come and see this for themselves.  I wonder, as intelligent as they are, if the dolphins will notice a big surge in folks looking at them through their underwater observatory and will decide to “change it up” and do something different just to mess with people.   The other question I have is if one dolphin did it by accident and taught others, or if this is something dolphins do naturally and humans are just noticing now?   I guess we won’t know that for awhile, but maybe we should not analyze it and just enjoy the show.

Check for Suspicious Smells

I have seen countless commercials for things that plug in, light up, or motorize to make your home smell like a garden of begonias instead of the nasty, dusty, wet dog smelling place that it is.  The commercials lead us to believe that our lives would not be complete, nor would be function.  They are, of course, the secret to a classy, high brow home. The gig was certainly up when one woman peeled the label that had stuck to the other lady’s derriere, revealing the name of the product.

What did people do before they had these such devices?  Of course, it meant that less people peeled stickers off of each other’s behinds. Of course, I am speaking more about what did people do to make their homes smell not so rank back in the old days? What can someone retro do? One idea is to use scented oil diffusers. I found a couple of styles on Sabonnyc.com that weren’t too frilly. The simple jar reed diffuser is so much more unisex. Also, they give off a scent without having to change the batteries.

Well, of course there is always the concept of using candles. The issue with candles, however, is smoke. Cheap candles can leave a dark ring around the rim of their jar, not to mention on the ceilings. When I see something like that, I can’t imagine, or don’t want to imagine, what it would look like in my lungs.  Usually, soy based candles do not have the same level of soot.   That was something I hadn’t known until recently.  There are many vendors at local fairs, or you may want to google or check out etsy.

At left, is a special trick candle that the sold in the 1930s.  Someone would light it, and a little rocket would take off.  I find it hard to believe that it would look “so real” that someone would actually think it was a candle whether a strange plastic object.    Apparently, people were hard up for entertainment.  This was marketed towards, kids, apparently, so maybe they were just not versed in the ways of candles and doilies yet.

Whatever you choose, there are many covert ways of making the smell of your place a little more bearable, that doesn’t involved your guests getting their ankles sprayed at every time they walk past an outlet.

Find the Missing Elephant in the Room

If you lose an antique, there were only a few ways to possibly prove it was yours and get it back. The first way is if you are filthy rich and own the chair George Washington used to drink his coffee in, there is only one of those and probably an anecdotal record in the antique world about who owns it. The second is to show photos of the item in the background of family photos to prove it is yours. I don’t know what the third one is. You can’t walk into a Home for Wayward Cell Phones or the Candlestick Town and go pick it back up.

TrackItBack is a service that is attempting to help people recover lost items. They say that the top reasons why someone doesn’t return an item is because there is no way to identify the owner. If a cell phone loses its charge, the owner cannot call it to attempt to locate it, for example. The other reason people don’t return found items is due to a language barrier. There was once a case of a found dog where the finder called the owner and couldn’t communicate to them the proper information on where to meet.

The service motivates people to return an item in several ways.  Firstly, there is a sticker affixed with instructions on calling TrackItBack toll free or registering the item on their website. TrackItBack then contacts the rightful owner and facilitates the return of the item from anywhere in the world.. They provide a reward to the finder as incentive, that the owner does not have to dish out.  The finder than receives a gift of TrackItBack labels from the company to try it for themselves.     It is like a microchip for just about anything else that doesn’t have four legs.  I meant anything with four legs that breathes, as antique tables apparently have four legs as well, but are a bit more challenging to misplace. You would be surprised, as I could probably manage to do it.

Kicking it Old School

My cousin is having her second baby in the summer. She already gave all the first round of baby clothes away because she didn’t think she could have a second. So, in other words, she needs a few things for the new baby.  For the first round, everyone decided to buy the baby frilly, impractical clothes. The kid had a whole closet of party and holiday dresses that you wouldn’t want a kid burping in.

Since the happy parents are well read, intellectual types with classical painting replicas all over the living room, I thought it was only fitting to give them baby clothing that reflected one of the greats of American Lit. In other words, I am going to present them with hip baby clothes featuring the characters of Great Expectations, or maybe a onesie with a picture of Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice.  Well, it seems to me that if I wanted my kid to wear a Philip Pirrup bib, I would have to invent it myself because no one in their right mind would make something like that.

Of course, i turn to far more classic literature, such as the immortal One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish Blue Fish.  Of course, my favorite literary character happens to be Sam I Am. I am pleased that now I can annoy my cousins by making sure I buy their children such splendiferous couture.   Of course, if you read this blog enough, you know that I am the most likely to buy a kid a baby sized fedora, but Dr. Seuss transcends cool so much that a hat is not needed.

I am so incredibly jealous.  There were no Dr. Seuss baby clothes back in my day.  My cousins and I had to settle for the masculine blue puppy, the feminine pink teddy bear, or the unisex yellow ducky.  No wonder why I have problems in my adult life!