VintageGent’s Menswear Daily

One, Two, Three Four: I Declare a Toe War

Last month, I was yammering about the unusual appearance of the Five Toed shoes. Actually, they are properly called the Vibram Five Fingers. It’s actually a misnomer because they don’t have any fingers. What is actually going on is separate toe compartments to simulate the experience of walking barefoot. Some of my readers scoffed a bit, wondering about toe injury, but I don’t blame them. Anything a bit out of the ordinary just computes as weird to the brain.

The real story behind the story is that the different toe-regions areas are intended for muscle movement. Being able to fully use your toes, such as a raccoon or ring-tailed lemur strengthens them. In other words, maybe I will be walking around with either the most shapely or muscular toes after wards. Maybe I could finally peel a banana with my feet like the monkeys at the zoo. As I recall, I don’t know if I have actually seen one peel one with just feet. Rather, they might hold it steady with a foot to actually strip the banana with their hands…or maybe they are called their “front feet.” Yeah, that’s what I probably will call my hands when my toes become just as dexterous.  The playground chants of the next generation will be: One…two..three…four…I declare a TOE war. Thumb wars would be “so last century.”

I guess these are my big questions about Vibram Shoes:

1) What if someone has big toes, or there “index toe” (?) is just a hair longer than their “big toe?” Is there something like a size “9 long” where the regular 9 and the long 9 are the same length but the longer toe one is a larger toe-to-sole ratio? I totally get the swim shoe style, the material flexes easy, but in the leather styles, I would imagine it would be an issue.

2) How do they address people who hate wearing flip flops because they don’t like things between the toes? Or are feet cushioned like a comfy sock?

3) What if you break your toe when you are not wearing a Vibram shoe. Will your toe fit or will you have to go barefoot?

I wonder if its something I will kick myself for not ferreting away every color so in 30 years from now when we are watching “I Love the 2010’s on VH1″ I will be prepared for the nostalgia purchases on them.  Maybe not. At any rate, depending on the style, they run in the $80-130 range (Free shipping and sales tax at Kayakshed.com, I do believe). In other words, pretty comparable to other non-tennis shoe sports shoes.

It remains to be seen if pretty soon we will be making sure we are buying Real Vibram Five Fingers or the ones people are knocking off on the street corner because they became so popular. I have a feeling either patents are in place, they are hard to duplicate or people, except hardcore extreme sports enthusiasts are still weirded out.